Game Over

Game Over

Hindsight is 20/20 and that becomes ever more apparent as you get older. In other words, when you look back on something which happened, you can see how it really was and not how it felt when you were in the middle of it.

I find this most commonly in relationships I’ve had.

I was in a relationship in my 20s which Donald Trump would describe as ‘very very not good’ and which now they would say was toxic and abusive. I don’t normally speak openly about it, mainly because, I think, people feel they have to provide a certain type of reaction and it’s really not necessary. I lived with a man who used to hit me, among the other varied ways he found to abuse.

If I do tell people, they usually ask ‘Why did you stay with him?’ and my answer is, ‘I didn’t’. But the truth is somewhere in-between. I stayed with him for 3 years and it was a lot too long, admittedly, but the last year I was trying desperately to get out and finally managed it.

I don’t want this to be a somber blog or to come across as self-pitying in any way. I’m all good you see, I’m fine. I was lucky in that I had people to help me when I finally asked for it. People who forgave me for cutting them off while it was all happening. A job working for people who put up with my occasional absences and ‘accidents’.

I guess the point I want to make is that while many people feel desperately sorry for you, there is an underlying flavour of distaste. They don’t like it and it feels like they think less of you for experiencing it at all. I had one colleague actually blow up at me in anger at the end when I admitted to them what had been happening.

After the relationship finished, I went through more than another year of him trying to break into the house, and when I moved out, he stalked me every day and often attacked me in the street. Starting afresh was a distant concept, as I knew he’d start a fight with any man I was seen with. Try explaining that shit on a first date!

Imagine going through it if you had children? Wow, I can’t imagine how hard that must be.

I’ve heard people talk about being ‘strong enough to get out’ and strength is a factor, but I’d be lying if I said I had any left at the end. It was finally hitting rock-bottom that got me out, admitting I couldn’t cope or see any way out of it. Admitting it to someone else who agreed to help me.

And that person was strong for me.

So, what I’m suggesting is this… if you know someone who is in an abusive relationship (or who you think might be) listen to them. Be there for them. Show them that there are alternatives and that you will help, but otherwise, just be a friend. Because nobody wants to be your friend when you are somebody’s punch bag, believe me. Or when you cry and say you still have ‘feelings’ for the abuser. Oh no, nobody wants to hear that.

Your friendship could make the difference between that person staying or them leaving and trying to start again. It could help them feel like a real person and give them a little of the perspective they lack because they’re in the middle of it.

If you’re reading this and you are being hurt by the one who is supposed to love you, then I’m sorry. I know it’s hard and seemingly endless, but you can get out and have a different life. It will be like wading through ten miles of deep mud wearing every item of clothing you own, but if you can find someone to walk beside you, you’ll make it to the greener pastures waiting on the other side of that hill. I’ll link up some resources, below.

If you think you might be an abuser, stop what you’re doing and seek help. Go to your doctor and explain how you’ve been behaving, there is less shame in admitting what you are doing than there is in continuing it. They might be able to help you, you might be able to make someone happy some day. Or even yourself.

Oh and please feel free to ask questions or comment – I don’t want this to be one of those blogs that goes out and folks read it and think ‘Oh no! I have nothing sensitive to write’ 😀
Write what you’re thinking… it’s what I do!

I hope you all have a shiny, happy day today and then a wonderful weekend! Thom and I have one episode of Stranger Things to finish off tonight and then we’ll be so sad it’s over.  What will you be doing?

Victim Support England and Wales
Domestic Abuse Government Resources UK
Help for men being abused specifically
Refuge – helping Children, Women & Men

readmeri-lock-and-tuft-hair-smaller

What ARE you wearing?

BackBone Gamer Girl’s Desk – Pink v.2 Access Event 12 Aug – 8 Sept NEW!
BackBone Gamer Girl’s Chair – Pink v.2 Access Event 12 Aug – 8 Sept NEW!
lock&tuft – Gwen hair lock&tuft Marketplace NEW!
Blueberry Taylor Tied Top Blueberry Marketplace NEW!
{Reverie} Belles Lingerie Panties

BackBone have re-issued their Gamer Girl set for the Access Event, it now comes in two new colours. Each set is updated with chromakeys, 49 new bento animations, It’s Not Mine! and Aeros Integrations.

I’ve been a little liberal with the NEW! accents today, and I have reasons. Although the BackBone pack has been out before, it is now edited and updated and in different colourways.

The lock&tuft Gwen hair was originally produced for an event in June but is in the mainstore now and it’s brand new to me and this blog because I’m a new blogger for the brand. Also, it’s hot.

Blueberry’s Taylor top is a part of the Budgetberry pack I blogged very recently, so it’s still new!

The Reverie knickers are not new, but I did wash them thoroughly on a low temperature so as not to bugger up the lace detail.

 


12 thoughts on “Game Over

  1. A really good blog today. I know of a few people who need this and one in particular I’m going to send it to.
    Often people assume all is sparkly and Rosie and what is behind the door can often be another thing. I lived through this with watching my father for 45 years till he decided he would go. Cowards retreat because he realised too late his actions.
    My friend is in a gay marriage and her partner is incredibly abusive. But trying to get her to go is something else. We can’t make the decision for her sadly, just be there to help and care . Xxx
    Glad you are in a good place now

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You realize it will be winter soon here… Several feet of snow. Wont need the AC then, but i do have several blankets and a memory foam bed. Hot chocolate and a good movie.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. “what happens shapes us, for good and for bad” you’re so right Loopy! I think the up side of dark times is that we can learn from them and maybe have a better understanding of what other people go through x

      Like

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